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On Line Friends

 
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forloveofthegame



Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 5208
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: Sun 1/20/13 5:08 pm    Post subject: On Line Friends Reply with quote

I had been thinking a lot lately about this hoopla about Mantei Te'o and how strange that whole story is. It just seems particularly naive on his part but then it got me to wondering. Has anyone here really had a bad on line experience or maybe not just bad, but let's say, weird? I have met a few friends from Padres boards I have posted on in the past. I already knew Linda before posting here but have met Sunnyblue through this one. I doubt any of us have really had on line dating experience since I see jpochard and I have both been married since before the Internet, Lol and I know from what Linda has said she has met platonic male friends this way. I wonder how a dating experience could be carried on without knowing the person did not exist but I do not pretend to know all the details of this story and it seems pretty complicated.

I do have to say I have been disappointed in a couple of ways with a couple of people I have met on line, whom I thought were pretty good friends even though they did not live near me, so it would not be easy to meet. One took place over the last year. I feel very let down by that person because I caught them in a lie and wrote to them off the board I was on and I thought we got to be good friends. I guess that changed but through no fault of my own since I did "forgive" and moved on. I guess I do not see friends who will not stick with you through some tough times, as being really "friends" because this is what happened, that person was nowhere to be found when you really need a friend. They may be on line friends or just on line "acquaintances" maybe - people you know and thought you could trust but maybe you should not. It takes good judgment and maybe I thought too highly of that person and did not use that kind of judgment, but it still kind of bothers me. Also it makes you wonder sometimes how genuine it is when they say one thing but do not follow through on doing what they say. Or maybe they are inconsistent and you trusted them more than you should have. I know for me I felt let down and then I kicked myself for allowing me to get into that situation where I believed someone I did not know "in person" who I thought was supportive but did not turn out to be. Some people are "all about themselves" and I have seen that on line, too. And after writing all that I just posted and reading back on it, it makes you see that younger people who do not have the benefit of having lived life and having a lot of relationship experience, might have even more trouble with this.

I am grateful to the few who are on this board who I do feel I can trust. And I just wanted to see if any of you have had experiences you wanted to share about on line posters you have met. I still cannot get over the fact you might think you have a girlfriend who died, but you never met her to begin with. It is sure different from the days when we were growing up!
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dodgerblue6



Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 16311
Location: San Diego CA - deep in the heart of SoCal

PostPosted: Thu 1/24/13 1:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I read this a couple of days ago and have been meaning to respond but didn't want to until I could post in more detail. In general, I agree, meeting on-line friends can be tricky/risky and sometimes disillusioning, but overall I've had more good experiences than bad ones. Lately, though, the ones I've met in person were more of a letdown than anything.

I have no idea how you could have a "girlfriend" who doesn't exist even though the details about this story are unfolding.

But I do have to say after some recent events, I've had second thoughts about how close I would allow myself to get to someone before meeting them "off-line." I feel very let down about some experiences over the past year. Also, there have been a few posters I met whom I thought I was friends with before, but ended up having serious character flaws I didn't find out about until much later on. Sadly to say, a couple of them are former posters on this board.

There was one somewhat comical situation from another forum I was posting on a few years ago, which was revealed when the board posters met "in person" for a get-together. I'll have to post more about that later.
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forloveofthegame



Joined: 23 Oct 2009
Posts: 5208
Location: San Diego

PostPosted: Fri 1/25/13 5:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I would like to hear some of those stories sometimes. I think the Internet has been a great way to get some people together with common hobbies who would never have met if they did not have the web. Linda I know you to be pretty easygoing and you seem to put up with a lot, so if you are talking about character flaws they must be real. Lol I too am pretty willing to put up with a lot of different types of people. I think those of us who are posting here are probably all pretty much "people persons." We all seem to have jobs that have us interacting with other people a lot.
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"Baseball is an allegorical play about America, a poetic, complex, and subtle play of courage, fear, good luck, mistakes, patience about fate, and sober self-esteem." - Saul Steinberg
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jpochard



Joined: 04 Jul 2012
Posts: 127
Location: Hamilton, Ohio

PostPosted: Sat 2/2/13 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My experience with meeting online friends has been good, but the majority of those times have occurred in group settings. I will also say don't be too hard on yourself because things can work the same way "in person" - of someone not quite being who you thought perhaps they were.

About 7 years ago, my husband and I met up with a group of photographers from an online forum in which I was active. There had been a plan for a group of us to meet in Washington DC for a nighttime photo shoot of some monuments. It was great (although exceedinly hot and humid.) We had around 30 of us there from around the US and even a couple international. Similar experience with a "Meet Up" group of photographers here locally. I have one friend in particular who I met in that group.

My daughter met her husband online Smile , although he lived locally so they met pretty quickly in person.

I think generally, it's a fun way to socialize and meet new people - but you just have to behave intelligently. I laugh when I think about that recent commercial for an insurance company - dude using his phone to diagram an accident and cute girl says she heard on the Internet you couldn't do that. Boils down to her believing everything she reads on the Internet and then is meeting up with her "date" from the Internet whom she says is a male model from France..who ends up being this dorky looking dude who walks up and says "um, BOONJURR"
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